Saturday, January 15, 2011

Hello, neglected blog!

I've been putting most of my blogging energy into The Geeky Saver lately, but this is a personal thought that really has nothing to do with saving... so I'll share it here. :)

When I was a kid, I used to love playing Super Mario Bros. I would play for hours. But here's the weird part: I would sit within reach of the NES to hit the reset button in the event that that first red mushroom got away from me, if I didn't hit the box right or whatever. Because then on the next box I wouldn't get the fireflower and that, my friends, would be a travesty. So if I missed that perfect start to the game, I would just press reset and start over.

2011 is my reset button with my weight. I know it's a cliché New Year's Resolution time to start, but I truly think (hope) I am ready to make it to the finish line this time. And I know I'm not going to be a perfect little Weight Watcher all year, but at least I can get off to a good start. I've never been as heavy as I am right now, and I don't like it one bit. If I was insecure before, I'm borderline psychotic now. It is truly difficult for me to go to social functions, ESPECIALLY ones that require me to be "dressed up" - because it is so difficult for me to find clothes that fit and don't make me feel self-conscious.

Anyway, that's not really the point. The point is I am really giving it all I've got. And that's not to brag, although it is in the hopes of creating some measure of accountability. It's also to say please don't be offended if I turn down whatever yummy food creation you offer me, or don't give me grief if we go out to eat and I scour the menu for 20 minutes, phone in hand, calculating my points.

This weight issue has gone on long enough. I want to have confidence again like I did when I was within 20 lbs of my goal weight (which is now a good 50+ pounds away). I want to wear some of the really cute clothes that are in my closet that are much too small right now. I want to wear cute boots. Not because I want to stand out, but because I just want to feel like I don't have to hide in the back at functions and pretend not to be bothered when people make fat jokes or poke fun at something I'm eating. I want to go to the gym because of the great feeling I get when I walk out, the cool breeze on my face - not because I HAVE to in order to lose this excess baggage. I just want to feel like myself again.

This could all be quite rambly, I'm sorry for that. All that to say, I just feel like I'm in a good place to DO THIS. To COMPLETE this. Not to get on a roll with losing and get close to my goal and stop. But to get to my goal and keep it there. Or at least within a few pounds of it.

So, that's my post-workout thought for today.