Thursday, August 9, 2007

Lord, make me a... dispenser?

I get many opportunities to be a dispenser. A dispenser of grace. A dispenser of comfort. There are times when I feel like that soap dispenser in the public restroom, the one that taunts you with its clear plastic window revealing to you the crumpled empty bag inside, devoid of microbial-destroying liquid so desperately needed in such a germ infested place.

We live in a world that is not unlike a public restroom. At times, it can seem hostile to life. We suffer through sickness, pain, infections and maladies of various kinds.

As a Christ-follower, I get grace to carry me through it. I have hope, and peace, and joy. And sometimes, even when I feel empty, like I don't have anything to offer, I am given the grace of the right wording to comfort someone, or the ability to talk to a young child who is hurting.

I'm starting to learn that there will always be times when I am not completely full. At best, I am a clay pot, at worst, a broken vessel. Yet I know that there is work to be done, and that even when I am at my worst, the Lord can use me. He can fill me up with the grace needed, and it is in those moments when I am most willing to give it all away. To empty myself for the sake of someone else. To be reminded that real love always involves a sacrifice, and I am called to love my neighbor as myself.

I pray that I might find myself being filled not so that I can revel in all of the marvelous grace that has been lavished on me, but so that I can be the hands and feet of the one who has given it. As much as the valleys are painful and treacherous, I would rather be in one and be used than be on the mountaintop keeping it all to myself. I guess that's part of the risk in giving yourself away. You may never be "full" again, you may be feeling hungry all the time, but you find that you get exactly what you need when you need it.

Today I am thankful for divine moments.

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