Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Patience really IS a virtue

I'm so busted.

That's what my dog was thinking this afternoon when I came home for lunch. She had just had an "accident" upstairs.

And I am feeling equally busted since I haven't updated as often as I would like, so bear with me.

Well, my week spent focused on patience has come and gone and I find myself in the middle of "Gentle" trying to recall what stood out to me last week.

I think the most important thing I learned was that I truly do need to be a little bit more patient with myself. I have what we used to jokingly refer to as a "GATE" complex. As in, Gifted and Talented Education, as in, nerd school... in that, if I am not good at something the instant I pick it up, I want nothing to do with it.

Weight loss has not really been my forte. The one time I was somewhat successful at it was when I was extremely motivated by my upcoming wedding and actually had a personal trainer. I couldn't afford that luxury then, and I really can't afford it now. So I'm on my own.

As of yesterday, I was feeling sour and defeated. I have been eating a lot of junk food, not working out a lot, not even walking Scout a lot. So I was feeling that familiar tug to just give up and live my life without working so hard at losing weight and building disciplines.

But I did myself a favor and told the girls in my group. And they all offered suggestions and ideas, which were great and helpful, but what's more helpful is now they know. I'm not the only one who knows that I mean it when I say I want to do this this time. It's hard to know just what to say to someone who is trying to lose weight. I mean, do I want you slapping my hand when I reach for the ice cream or a french fry? Probably not. Do I want to know that you support me and that if I say I don't want to go to Fatburger or The Hat or whatever for lunch you'll be okay with that? YES. Can it please be okay if I opt to not go OUT to lunch with you at all if I'm perfectly willing to eat my lean cuisine or other healthy food? That would be amazing. Just that simple understanding that when I actually muster up the willpower to say no, that you can say no with me, would be awesome.

All that to say, I'm going to be patient in this process. I guess I'm down another pound or so. What's crazy is that even though I feel like I'm getting nowhere, that means I've lost 5 lbs in the last month. Hooray for that! I just have mixed feelings, like yeah, I've lost 5 but what about the other 30+?

It's a good thing I'm also learning to laugh at myself.

And I will write a more gentle entry before Monday. ;)

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